"There's no shame in asking for help"

I've had a shit week, this past week. It all stemmed from reaching out for some help in a professional setting and it going tits up very, very quickly. Don't worry, I'm not rehashing it here, nor am I naming names or arguing my point - been there, gave up on that. Blaming and revisiting a broken system is not my intention here.

What I wanted to write about today has to do with asking for help and for how to give help with someone (here I was going to write "with depression" or "with anxiety", but I think it doesn't matter what their mental state is) if you find yourself in the position to do so.

Being on the receiving end of little to no genuine support this week when I asked for help, and disclosed how my brain was feeling, was astonishing for me. We're told 'it's ok to ask for help,' 'there's no shame in asking for help' and that 'people are here for you', but in my very recent experience (with a small selection of people mind you) - that wasn't the case. Luckily for me I have great friends, family and a formidable, kick ass, reassuring husband (one who texts me things like "The ones who matter care and the ones that don't, ain't shit.") Fortunately I kept reaching out for help to those people I know would be a sympathetic and helpful ear. And boy did I - thank you all of you absolute legends.

But, what about those that don't? And that is my intention today; To encourage you to always help.

Whether it's awkward, difficult, tear inducing, completely off the target, or unwanted. Whether they're not ready or in the wrong. Whether you're afraid of the repercussions of helping. ASK. CHECK. LISTEN. HELP! 

New Zealand has a shitty, shitty suicide rate and you asking if that person is OK or letting them know that your ear is ready to listen when they need it might be what it takes to let someone know they matter. Because that's all it is, letting them know that they matter. Like I said, luckily I have great support and thankfully I wasn't feeling that low. But I felt the isolation. I felt myself questioning my decision to seek help. I felt myself going to a darker place. 

Look after the people around you and be mindful of them. Do what's right. Be a good human being. Most of all - talk about it. I hummed and harred about this post, and I'm still not happy with parts of it, but this message needs to be talked about, not kept in. Too many people don't say anything, don't ask for help and don't talk about their state of mind.

Talk about it. Talk about how you are feeling. If things are getting too much, ask for help. If you don't get it in the first place you ask, seek help from someone else. Keep seeking it until you get it. Lastly, and I can't stress this enough, don't put up with any crappy bullying tactics, fight that shit tooth and fucking nail. 

"Words have meaning and names have power", Memoirs 2016 #1

This is one of my 40 before 40 goals. I'm going to begin them now, and add to them periodically, so by the time it's my time I'll have something for those left behind to remember me by. That's my thinking anyway. I found this site while compiling my 40 before 40 list and my aim is to get through as much as I can during this decade. What I really want to ensure is that I take my time to write as much as I can about the subject and that I talk to those around me to get their thoughts. Here we go!

What is your full name? Explain why your parents gave you that name.

My full name is Katherine Patricia. I've always quite liked my name, although in my own immediate family I never remember being called 'Katherine'. It was always Kate. There are a few family members that call me Katherine, still to this day, one in particular who calls me 'Kaferine', I think imitating the way my cousins may have said my name when we were kids. Throughout my teenage years I was called 'Kat' and there's many of my friends who refuse to call me anything but. Mostly, nowadays I get called Kate, although there are still those few that call me variations of. One variant that I don't particularly like is 'Kathy'. One of my favourite uncles, my great Uncle Bryce called me Kathy, and he was the only one that I've ever let do it. I'm not sure why I don't like it so much, it's just not for me. Damien's entire family calls me 'Pearcey', which is my maiden name. It kinda makes me feel like one of the boys - hah! - so I let it slide. 

Katherine is a name of latin origin and means pure and clear and Patricia is also of latin origin, derived from the word Patrician, meaning noble. I'm not sure about those things. Pure in particular makes me laugh. I'm in no way your stock standard lady and I swear like an absolute sailor. Noble on the other hand - totally me. I definitely show high moral principles and fine personal qualities - right? 

I spoke to my mum about why I was given the name Katherine and I feel like I need to preface the tale with the fact that one, I'm the fourth child... not as much thought is put into naming your fourth as your first and two, not every name has an amazing story. Mum and dad returned home with me after a couple of days in hospital, a baby with no name. They had a list of names they were running through and mum simply said to dad, "What about Katherine?". Dad liked the sound of it and after running through various spellings of the name, they settled on the classic Catherine, but with a K rather than a C. Mum told me she liked 'Patricia', so that's why it was my middle name. I can see where I get my bossy streak from!

And that's all there is to it, the story of my name. I'm looking forward to writing more of these and sharing more tidbits about my life that you might not know about me.

xx

Zzzzzzzz......

Zest. I love citrus - orange and lemon flavoured anything are my jam! Strangely enough, with many things actually, Damien doesn't. It works well I guess - if we have a bag of lollies I get to eat all the orange ones and he never asks me for any of the lemon cheesecake roses when we're sharing a box of my teacher goodies at the end of the year. Other times it doesn't work well, if I do any baking I often stray away from these things because I like to make things we'll all eat. Sigh. My favourite of favourites is lemon bats - YUM!

whY whY whY

Yum! I love to cook and bake. Baking, out of the two, is probably my strong point, but I always feel 'at home' in the kitchen. I like to create old favourites and I love trying new things. With the explosion of the internet of things I always have an abundance of new recipes to try - to the delight of my husband, usually. We were talking the other day about how I've only ever really really mucked up one thing beyond wanting to eat it. It was a slow cooker lamb dish and I don't know exactly what happened but it turned to mush. Needless to say we went and got take aways that night.

X marks the spot.

I'm having to get very creative with x....

Xtra. With nothing else to write about for x, I really had to wrack my brain. I came up with 'xtra', you know, the internet provider from the late 90s. My love of the internet began when I was about 10. My brother was paying for our connection I think and I remember having a virtual tiger pet.

I then began talking to people online in my early teens. ICQ and MSN messenger was my 'apps' of choice. I made a lot of cool friends, many that I didn't know and although I wasn't bombarded with the 'Digital citizenship and safety' stuff that kids have today, I didn't get into any trouble.....well, much.

But the biggest thing I remember, from the internet before wifi and the amazing connectedness we have nowadays, was that noise....dial-up. You know it. You hate it, we all did. Especially when it made the engaged sound...ergh!

If you wannabe my W...you gotta get with my friends.

Worthy. It took me a while to realise that I was worthy of someone else's genuine love. As I've said already in this series, I had many dickhead boyfriends and it often took me too long to get rid of them when things went awry. Often I was not picking quality, but just being with someone because that's how I preferred to be.

Work. There's a very grey line between my work life and my home life. With being a teacher, your job can become all consuming. If you let it, it's never ending - there's always a resource to make or an article to read that will better your practice. I feel like I balance it out quite well though. I may be on my laptop after the girls go to bed until it's my own bed time most nights, but I always make sure I make time to spend time with all the people in my family. Mummy is a very busy little bee.

V for.....

Let's have a list aye?

Very.... stubborn, organised, opinionated, easy-going, busy, goal focussed, motivated aaaaaaaand vivacious!

yoU

Unique. I definitely try to be. I've been saying a lot recently that Willow marches to the beat of her own drum, but really... who am I kidding, I'm probably the one she gets it from. My main philosophy in life is to do things that make you happy, and for the most part, those are the only things I do. It's working out well. I also love unique people. I talked in 'Q' how I liked quirky people. It's usually from afar. I just admire them, particularly unique looking people. Needless to say I've had many 'discussions' with others about uniforms in schools, or hard and fast uniform rules.

Unflappable. It's pretty difficult to ruffle my feathers. I like this about myself. It's helped me a lot, but most notably with some special needs children. Staying calm often helps to keep them calm in certain situations, and I do that well.

Mr T

Teacher. Through and through. I remember playing 'school' with my nana when I was a kid, and how I would have loved her to have seen me graduate with my Bachelor in Teaching. I started in a classroom having just turned 20, like a few days before school began, and I've had highs and lows, but it's what I love. When things are going right, I love teaching. It's what I'm meant to be doing, and I love it.

Traditions. I've been really big on ensuring that our girls have traditions and things they love about their childhood. Every birthday, easter and christmas have traditions and I love making memories with them. It's one of the best parts of being a parent I think.

Thankful. I have to be, right? Great, great things in my life, and I'm very thankful for all of them.

Yes S!

Sook. I am the biggest sook when it comes to books and movies (heck, even ads , blog posts or youtube shorts) that pull at your heart strings. I will cry at the drop of a hat - usually when there's something to do with animals or children, or anything heart warming. You can guarantee it, I'll have a wee tear.

Soulmate. I've found mine. I really believe it. I've said it before, but I'll say it again - don't get me wrong, we fight, we have ups and downs, but it's totally more up than down and Damien makes me as comfortable as possible. That might sound really lacklustre but I think it's important. I don't worry about him straying, I don't want for anything, I feel appreaciated and most importantly - I'm happy and I feel loved. We're imperfectly perfect.

Stubborn. Am I what!? Holy moly. 

Be vewy vewy quiet... we're hunting for R

Rich. Not in money, but in experiences and in family and love. I have such a rich life, I really do and when I sit back and think about it, it's actually pretty cool. I'd love to have given my 15 year old self a peek into what life was going to be like when I had that elusive husband, children and mortgage. I could put some of her worries at rest and let her just live and enjoy her teenage years rather than worry about why some boy doesn't like me, or how if I could just lose a bit of weight things would be better. Pft, I've put a lot more weight on now mate and it's sooo super better. You have a great life 15 year old me, promise.

Ruthless. I am the queen of the cull. I love to throw things out and do it periodically both at home and at work in my classroom. I'm currently even doing it to our school staff room (a major dumping ground). On the flip side, I'm married to somewhat of a hoarder who often utters the phrase, "but we might use it at some point". No, no we won't, chuck it out.

Reader. Speaking of my 15 year old self. I'm so pissed off at her that she didn't begin my love of reading sooner. I only became a reader in my late teens and as busy as I am, I still to this day, always like to have a novel on the go. I wish I was a bookworm kid, but again I was too worried about friendships and wot not. Oh to have time to have my nose in a book (or at my phone of tablet on kindle) for an extended period of time without putting myself to sleep. I now look forward to retirement where I envisage an old lady surrounded in piles and piles of books... or a very full kindle library.

Cutie Q

Queen! I have been falling more and more in love with Constance Hall recently.  Initially I wasn't that interested because I try to stray away from people who talk constantly about how hard parenting is and continuously make jokes about how they're struggling etc, but Constance is just real. Like, not trying to be 'real', she's just herself, and I can totally appreciate that. I've learnt as I get older than just being your genuine self is super empowering and this chick is super empowering.

Quirky. Chances are I will attach myself to you much faster if you are a teeny tiny bit quirky. I like weird.

poP

Positive. I feel like I've already talked about positivity quite a lot in this series, so I'll just leave this lovely quote here.

Puppies! I can't remember a time that I didn't love puppies. I've always been an animal lover and I'm a dog person through and through. Any dogs I love, but rottweilers are a recurring theme in my life. I remember as an 8 year old being passed a teeny tiny rottie pup over the fence from our neighbours who had just had a litter and then when meeting the love of my life to find that his cousin also had a beautiful rott. I often wish the puppy stage could stay around a wee while longer, particularly in aesthetics (not so much in energy levels!).

Oh, Oh, Oh

Optimist. I like to look on a bright side. I love positivity and I love positivity stories and quotes. I like to think that something better is always just on the horizon. This cuts directly in with my depression, where I don't feel optimistic at all, but somehow, one way or another that side of me fights back. It's definitely a back and forth action, but it's there, and I'm grateful.

Organised. I am an organised FREAK. I like right angles, I like organisational baskets and bins, I love labels and I like cleanliness. Organising things pleases me and makes me feel content. Messy places make me a bit twitchy and I've often been found cleaning up places that aren't mine.

Outgoing. I'm a contradiction in myself, as with many of the other things about me. I do like going out and I'm fairly outgoing. I do also like to stay in. Sometimes I can't even choose!

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, Letter N

Nice. That's all I can really think of for N. I try to be the nicest person, mother, wife, friend I can, but I'm often hard on myself about it. I often feel selfish for things that I do, or don't do and it brings me down. Inner talk can be a bummer if you don't work on making it positive. It's always important to first be nice to yourself... and as I've said before in this series, I'm working on it.

Mmmmmmmmm

Masters. In the next ten years I'm wanting to get my masters of education. I've made the first step this year with getting my post-graduate and I'm hoping to continue along the same line.

Mum. One of the biggest roles in my life is being a mum. Once I went from not being a mum to being one, that's really all that mattered. I love being a mum. That's not to say that it's not hard sometimes and that I love every second, but I couldn't be without these two little faces. I can't remember when it was like before them and although I'd love a sleep in or a quiet Sunday afternoon now and then, I know that I wouldn't go back for anything.

L-L-L-L-L Love Love

Lists. God I love lists. I make lists upon lists to help me focus on what I need to do. I'm so OCD about this that I cull my lists constantly and make new ones. I have a busy brain and doing this allows me to calm down somewhat.

Lucky. I consider myself a lucky person. I've won a few things and I've even spawned one of the most lucky people I know (who also begins with an L), Leah! When pregnant with Leah I won a couple of big sums of money and then when she was about 6 months old she won a $5000 prize from a bank competition. She's a tin arse, just like her mum.

Laugh. I love to laugh. I don't take anything too seriously, anything. This can get up people's nose sometimes, but that's not my problem!

Kickin' it with K

Kind. I try as much as possible to be as kind as possible and I always, always preach kindness to both the children I teach and to myself. Ellen's 'Be kind to one another' has become my mantra. The world is going a bit nuts at the moment and I can't understand a lot of it. It might be naivety on my part, but I don't see why people can't just get along! Be kind people, be kind.

Kaizen. One of my favourite words. It's a Japanese business concept about continual improvement and personal efficiency which I am aaaaaaaaaall about.

Kate! I've been known by many names in my life. I got called Katherine or Kate (at home) for the first few years of my life before Kate became my preferred moniker. In my teenage years I was known (and still am by many of my old friends) as Kat. The only person who was ever allowed to call me Kathy was my late (and super great) Uncle Bryce.

Jumping J Flash

Joker. As I went over in the F post, I like to try to be as funny as possible. I often wonder why this is. I do know my dad was a joker and my family is far from serious at the best of times, so I guess in a way I got it from dad. He loved to have a laugh. Believe it or not, as a child I was very shy and quiet and it was only through my teenage years that I came out of my shell and become the outspoken person I am today. I also wonder if I was trying to compensate for my perception of how I looked by being the joker. I've never liked how I looked and would believe that no one else would either, so I had to work on my personality to have people like me (in my mind). I like how I've turned out! Haha.

Jammin'. My husband has recently got me listening to Bob Marley. I've never really liked reggae music and I'm not 100% sure why but with Damien being as relentless as he is with stealing my car stereo, I've begun to appreciate Bob Marley with quite a lot of respect. My favourite song is 'Them Belly Full' which has the such a great line - "A rain a-fall, but the dutty tough" which really means "The rain falls, but the dirt is tough". How fucking beautiful is that?

Eye

Interesting. At least, I think I am. I'm a super fan girl, and if you're talking about any one of the things that I'm interested in (there's a few) I will be your bestest friend. I think all my infatuations with things make me an interesting person. I would like to know me at least! My fan girldom status makes me have a very indepth knowledge of the things that I'm interested in and I can literally talk for hours. I get very excited!

Independent. As much as I love and need my close family, I am a very independent person. I've said to Damien a couple of times that I often enjoy the nights when he's late home because I can do what I want on my own timeline (much to his sadness). I do get lonely, but I also enjoy being alone.

Innovative. In my line of work I like to keep up to date with the new developments. I enjoy trawling twitter and pinterest for the newest things and giving them a try if I think they fit in with my exisiting pedagogy.