"There's no shame in asking for help"

I've had a shit week, this past week. It all stemmed from reaching out for some help in a professional setting and it going tits up very, very quickly. Don't worry, I'm not rehashing it here, nor am I naming names or arguing my point - been there, gave up on that. Blaming and revisiting a broken system is not my intention here.

What I wanted to write about today has to do with asking for help and for how to give help with someone (here I was going to write "with depression" or "with anxiety", but I think it doesn't matter what their mental state is) if you find yourself in the position to do so.

Being on the receiving end of little to no genuine support this week when I asked for help, and disclosed how my brain was feeling, was astonishing for me. We're told 'it's ok to ask for help,' 'there's no shame in asking for help' and that 'people are here for you', but in my very recent experience (with a small selection of people mind you) - that wasn't the case. Luckily for me I have great friends, family and a formidable, kick ass, reassuring husband (one who texts me things like "The ones who matter care and the ones that don't, ain't shit.") Fortunately I kept reaching out for help to those people I know would be a sympathetic and helpful ear. And boy did I - thank you all of you absolute legends.

But, what about those that don't? And that is my intention today; To encourage you to always help.

Whether it's awkward, difficult, tear inducing, completely off the target, or unwanted. Whether they're not ready or in the wrong. Whether you're afraid of the repercussions of helping. ASK. CHECK. LISTEN. HELP! 

New Zealand has a shitty, shitty suicide rate and you asking if that person is OK or letting them know that your ear is ready to listen when they need it might be what it takes to let someone know they matter. Because that's all it is, letting them know that they matter. Like I said, luckily I have great support and thankfully I wasn't feeling that low. But I felt the isolation. I felt myself questioning my decision to seek help. I felt myself going to a darker place. 

Look after the people around you and be mindful of them. Do what's right. Be a good human being. Most of all - talk about it. I hummed and harred about this post, and I'm still not happy with parts of it, but this message needs to be talked about, not kept in. Too many people don't say anything, don't ask for help and don't talk about their state of mind.

Talk about it. Talk about how you are feeling. If things are getting too much, ask for help. If you don't get it in the first place you ask, seek help from someone else. Keep seeking it until you get it. Lastly, and I can't stress this enough, don't put up with any crappy bullying tactics, fight that shit tooth and fucking nail. 

"Words have meaning and names have power", Memoirs 2016 #1

This is one of my 40 before 40 goals. I'm going to begin them now, and add to them periodically, so by the time it's my time I'll have something for those left behind to remember me by. That's my thinking anyway. I found this site while compiling my 40 before 40 list and my aim is to get through as much as I can during this decade. What I really want to ensure is that I take my time to write as much as I can about the subject and that I talk to those around me to get their thoughts. Here we go!

What is your full name? Explain why your parents gave you that name.

My full name is Katherine Patricia. I've always quite liked my name, although in my own immediate family I never remember being called 'Katherine'. It was always Kate. There are a few family members that call me Katherine, still to this day, one in particular who calls me 'Kaferine', I think imitating the way my cousins may have said my name when we were kids. Throughout my teenage years I was called 'Kat' and there's many of my friends who refuse to call me anything but. Mostly, nowadays I get called Kate, although there are still those few that call me variations of. One variant that I don't particularly like is 'Kathy'. One of my favourite uncles, my great Uncle Bryce called me Kathy, and he was the only one that I've ever let do it. I'm not sure why I don't like it so much, it's just not for me. Damien's entire family calls me 'Pearcey', which is my maiden name. It kinda makes me feel like one of the boys - hah! - so I let it slide. 

Katherine is a name of latin origin and means pure and clear and Patricia is also of latin origin, derived from the word Patrician, meaning noble. I'm not sure about those things. Pure in particular makes me laugh. I'm in no way your stock standard lady and I swear like an absolute sailor. Noble on the other hand - totally me. I definitely show high moral principles and fine personal qualities - right? 

I spoke to my mum about why I was given the name Katherine and I feel like I need to preface the tale with the fact that one, I'm the fourth child... not as much thought is put into naming your fourth as your first and two, not every name has an amazing story. Mum and dad returned home with me after a couple of days in hospital, a baby with no name. They had a list of names they were running through and mum simply said to dad, "What about Katherine?". Dad liked the sound of it and after running through various spellings of the name, they settled on the classic Catherine, but with a K rather than a C. Mum told me she liked 'Patricia', so that's why it was my middle name. I can see where I get my bossy streak from!

And that's all there is to it, the story of my name. I'm looking forward to writing more of these and sharing more tidbits about my life that you might not know about me.

xx

Zzzzzzzz......

Zest. I love citrus - orange and lemon flavoured anything are my jam! Strangely enough, with many things actually, Damien doesn't. It works well I guess - if we have a bag of lollies I get to eat all the orange ones and he never asks me for any of the lemon cheesecake roses when we're sharing a box of my teacher goodies at the end of the year. Other times it doesn't work well, if I do any baking I often stray away from these things because I like to make things we'll all eat. Sigh. My favourite of favourites is lemon bats - YUM!

whY whY whY

Yum! I love to cook and bake. Baking, out of the two, is probably my strong point, but I always feel 'at home' in the kitchen. I like to create old favourites and I love trying new things. With the explosion of the internet of things I always have an abundance of new recipes to try - to the delight of my husband, usually. We were talking the other day about how I've only ever really really mucked up one thing beyond wanting to eat it. It was a slow cooker lamb dish and I don't know exactly what happened but it turned to mush. Needless to say we went and got take aways that night.

X marks the spot.

I'm having to get very creative with x....

Xtra. With nothing else to write about for x, I really had to wrack my brain. I came up with 'xtra', you know, the internet provider from the late 90s. My love of the internet began when I was about 10. My brother was paying for our connection I think and I remember having a virtual tiger pet.

I then began talking to people online in my early teens. ICQ and MSN messenger was my 'apps' of choice. I made a lot of cool friends, many that I didn't know and although I wasn't bombarded with the 'Digital citizenship and safety' stuff that kids have today, I didn't get into any trouble.....well, much.

But the biggest thing I remember, from the internet before wifi and the amazing connectedness we have nowadays, was that noise....dial-up. You know it. You hate it, we all did. Especially when it made the engaged sound...ergh!

If you wannabe my W...you gotta get with my friends.

Worthy. It took me a while to realise that I was worthy of someone else's genuine love. As I've said already in this series, I had many dickhead boyfriends and it often took me too long to get rid of them when things went awry. Often I was not picking quality, but just being with someone because that's how I preferred to be.

Work. There's a very grey line between my work life and my home life. With being a teacher, your job can become all consuming. If you let it, it's never ending - there's always a resource to make or an article to read that will better your practice. I feel like I balance it out quite well though. I may be on my laptop after the girls go to bed until it's my own bed time most nights, but I always make sure I make time to spend time with all the people in my family. Mummy is a very busy little bee.

V for.....

Let's have a list aye?

Very.... stubborn, organised, opinionated, easy-going, busy, goal focussed, motivated aaaaaaaand vivacious!