Hhhhhello H

Happy. I think I show the outer demeanor of happiness most of the time. No matter what I'm feeling inside it's hard to see me without a smile on my face or trying my best to be positive. I'm also very content with my life. That doesn't mean I'm not pushing to improve or make changes, but I am happy with where I'm at.

Hugger. I love to hug.

Hair. I'm so excited to get my hair did tomorrow. I've had many hairstyles over the years and many, many different colours. I feel sorry for my hair sometimes, it's been through a lot. I'm loving how long it is at the moment - makes me feel girly!

What up G?

Gorgeous. This is one of my favourite words. Unfortunately I don't think it enough about myself, but I love describing others and other things with it. Sometimes though, I do feel it, and I relish these times, it's lovely to feel that way. I'd like that kind of confidence all the time.

Gamer. I've loved games for as long as I remember. I think back to before I was even school age and watching others play our Atari. A gaming console of the late 80s/early 90s.  I don't remember playing too much (now having a 4 year old of my own I can understand why) but I loved watching. When I was about 5 my family purchased an Amiga 500. A cool little home computer that my brother and I loved to play games on. I remember pinball, racing games, side scrollers, minigolf and platform games. I loved them all. And I still do. I am what you would now consider a 'nostalgic gamer'. Although I appreciate what modern graphics can do and how unbelievingly large games are today, I still like oder games more. I've even just tattooed myself with 4 characters from my favourite series - Paper Mario.

Grateful. I am so thankful for all that I have. I have two beautiful girls and the most amazing husband and I don't take those things for granted whatsoever. They are my world and I would do anything for each of them, as well as my fur baby Jake. I am very lucky to have what I do, and I am very grateful for it all.

For Fs sake!

Fuck! I swear far too much, and terribly (to many) I don't even sensor it around the girls. We've sacrificed a lot having kids, surely I shouldn't have to sensor myself in front of them too! I'd rather be myself and talk how I always do and teach my girls when it's appropriate to use those words (when you're an adult!) rather than not use them at all. They then become taboo words and I want to be as real as possible with my kids as much as I can.

Friend to animals. I absolutely adore animals, sometimes more than people. I've always been this way. When I was a kid and we would go visiting at a relatives house I would always hone straight in on whatever animals they had and that would be me for the entire time I was there - patting, holding, playing. Strangely enough, I'm quite allergic to animals hair - of those that I'm not used it, but I can't help it, I just love 'em.

Funny. LOOKING, hahahaha. I like to make jokes and I feel like I'm a bit witty. People tend to laugh around me and I seem to get on with those that can take a joke the best. I also like to have a good laugh.

Excellent E

Easy-going.

In all that I do. I'm a bit of a contradiction really because I'm very opinionated and I like to voice my opinion, but I'm also quite easy going. I don't force my opinions on anyone - other than to listen to my bullshit, lol, and I try to stay clear of outwardly judging others (much harder to stop altogether, in my brain I judge almost automatically). I think this is why Damien and I work so well together. We both don't give too many shits about anything, and when we do we can just casually talk about it.

Excitable.

Tattoos. Horror movies. Nintendo gaming. Rottweilers. Disney. Skulls. I'm a fan girl, that's for sure. And the minute you begin talking about anything that I'm into I will be your best friend. I often make a high pitched squealy noise when I'm super excited and my hands move double time.

Enthusiastic.

This is actually something that I'd like to display more. I have such an outward demeanor of non-chalance and sarcasm that I hide how enthusiastic I am about things sometimes. For fear of being judged usually.

Educator.

Deep down, whether I'm still enjoying teaching in the current climate or not, I love to teach. I am attracted to any information about teaching or working with kids even when I'm not looking for it. Deep down, I'm a teacher.

The D has it!

Dedicated. Determined. Driven.

I feel like all of these things fit in together.  As I think I've already said in this series. I'm dedicated to continually improving myself in every day possible. I'm 100% goal driven and I'm not scared of hard work to get where I want (in most aspects that is). I worry though, that I'm going to get through life and either not be happy where I'm at in the end or that I spend all my time of improvement and I'm never happy with what I have, or too tied up to enjoy the moment. I overthink things, can you tell? (whoops, should wait for O for that one!) Because of this I try to both keep busy with my many ventures of improvement and enjoy the moment and I'm definitely getting better with it.

Depressed.

I didn't know whether I wasted to include this one or not, even though I've written about it before. But I got such a positive lot of feedback from speaking out about it last time that I wanted to include it because I'm not ashamed of it. It's a tough pill to swallow for me - quite literally - because I try to be a tower of strength. I definitely don't stray away from crying (just watch any slightly emotional you tube clip with me) and I feel like I'm good at owning my feelings, and usually being far too vocal with my opinions, but depression is different. I just re-read that post from earlier and it's such a good description of where I was, and to an extent still am. It scares me to come off the medication and go back to a place I was... a place that some days, I'm still at. My mum had a good way of looking at it, tell me that I simply have a problem with my brain that needs medication to balance out - what's wrong with that. If it was my heart would I think I shouldn't be taking pills? Heck no, so why for my brain?

A sailor went to C C C...

Committed. As in, not single. My husband and I were married in 2011, and he is the absolute love of my life. Yeah, yeah, I know...but it's true. I even knew it when I was 7 years old! You can read about our story here.

Confident. Something I would like to build in myself. I'm trying, but she's a hard road mate.

Curious. In a big way. I love to learn new things and I like to be in the know.

Short and sweet today xox

Beautiful Beeeeeeeeeeee

Badass. Or at least I try to be. I don't mean in the 'I ride a motorbike and have a tonne of tough stickers' kinda way, although I do have a few tattoos. I just mean that I say what I think most of the time, sometimes with little thought of how it will reflect on myself. I actually struggle with this, particularly with my profession, as I feel I should be more reserved at times. More often than not, this internal struggle is worked out with 'fuck it' and deciding that to be true to myself and what I think is the best way about it. Most people appreciate this about me, and those that don't? Meh.

Beauty in all things. Something I like to try and see. I've found that since I took up photography I look at things in a different way than before. I'm often looking a lot harder at things than many people and I revel in the beauty of nature (mostly). I'm a strange creature in that I like the outdoors, but not really so much being in them (at times) so I make the most of it when I'm out and about. This has seen my clumsy arse walk into or fall over things many a time.

Better and better. I'm all about self improvement - mentally, physically (not that you'd know), academically, spiritually. I believe it's what we're all here for - to become the best version of ourselves. I try my damn hardest to be mine and go balls to the wall with anything I decide to do. Putting this pressure on myself if hard at times, and I get grumpy at myself when I take breaks, but it all evens out somewhere. I think if we're all heading in the right direction of self improvement, then it doesn't matter which path or journey we take, or how long it takes us to get there, as long as we're moving.

Beautiful. That's a hard one to write sadly, it should be the easiest. But as the last paragraph says, we're all on a journey, and I'm on one to accept myself and my body as beautiful. It's a hard road! It's especially hard to catch yourself when you're so used to making sarcastic comments about how you look. But I'm determined (whoops, should keep that for D!) to be a woman that's comfortable in her own skin and whose confidence reiterates that. I will get there!